Lemony Life

Hello! :D
It's been a while, but I do plan I blogging more often like I always say I do lol :)

Right now in life I feel like I am having some issues with my identity, perhaps with my psychological state of mind, but what exactly has changed isn't entirely clear.
I feel I am putting on the blinds, when I have to deal with something stressful, in my mind.

Perhaps I can't handle any more stress than my moving to hong kong, and perhaps I inadvertently ignore everything else because I can't deal with any more stress.

Hmm...
All of this conjecture doesn't do much, but it acknowledges some issues that are polluting my life currently.
That or I am having issues because I am becoming crazy xD
I think I am just unhappy because I want to focus on Hong Kong, because it's stress demands my attention, and school takes soo much time that I don't have time for myself and hong kong issues.

I don't know...

Well, on other things...
I want to finish my Acww romhack before AC3ds is released, but I don't see how I can between school and packing for hong kong.

I want to start gradually increasing my mileage to get ready for next years cross country season too, and running helps with stress :)
This year so far has sucked lol.
Maybe I've been shaken somewhere in the deep abyss of my mind, by my unspectacular xc season, but wherever it is it hasn't shaken the foundation, but rather caused it to lean like the tower of Pisa. *shrug
That probably doesn't make sense, but whatever lol.
This is more for myself than anyone else ;}
(I believe it is semi-therapeutic for people to write out their feelings somewhere. Plus, it might help me identify what is wrong and correct it.)

If the issue lies in motivation and self-esteem, then I need to focus and try to work on my emotions.
Make more friends, stop being so uptight, worried, and terse.
(if that's the right word lol)

It's odd, I like to think I can see the cold logic behind the decisions and facts of life that I am influenced by and participate in, yet my emotions misbehave and when I do make ＂logical ＂decisions, as I am fond and passionate about doing, I seem to bury my real feelings and emotions irretrievably deep down within myself.
(okay not irretrievably, but it makes me question their existence even. I doubt the substance of my own character, not knowing whether my choice to act as what I perceive to be best has benefitted or bested me. @~@)

I am honestly probably deeply sad, but about what?
I do not wish to think about it, perhaps I don't allow myself to drink too deep for fear of drowning.
When I am unhappy I seem to become rather unpleasant and disinclined to work outside of my schoolwork and things I am deeply passionate about.
Perhaps I stop caring, but its hard to tell because I know logically I should do it, but I feel stressed and nervous, like I know I should do it but I don't want to/don't feel like I know how to.
I probably fear being told my work sucks, I don't like people telling me something I worked on is god awful.
Teachers really shouldn't abuse students for making mistakes, because that is HOW you learn!!
And I feel like I refuse to work for someone who is mean and uncaring towards me, so perhaps I feel this way towards my teachers.
I feel like they honestly couldn't care less, but I digress. They probably care limitedly, and I likely imagine them worse than they really are. Idk.

This all is just my rambling, if there is any truth in it, one cannot be too certain, for the ramblings of any man are the ramblings of a madman. ~u~

If you read any of this, forgive any pessimistic attributes.
This is actually supposed to be optimistic, to help me correct my issues if possible :]
I love life, the world, running, reading, writing, women, dancing, and eating delish food :P
There is much to be thankful for, and I am happy to be where I am :)

You can't spend your whole life focusing on what you don't have, you have to acknowledge what you have and that nothing is more exhilarating than just being, creating, existing in this magnificent and wondrous world of ours :]

It is an honor to share this experience with all of you, and I wish you all the best ^u^

Sincerely,

~James Dodon

- Posted using BlogPress from my iTouch