Another day, another drama

Everyday seems to be more and more stressful and dramatic.
I lose my phone, I lose the data for my physics lab, we may move to hong kong, we may not.
...
Okay, my life isn't as dramatic as I thought, even if I feel the above segment justifies my statement.
My teachers assign homework that is worthless but takes up a ton of time, and every day I feel I get less sleep than I need. (indeed some nights as little as 5 hours of sleep)
Grahh, I am frustrated with life lol.

I am currently reading a book about running, called The Complete Book of Running, and so far it is very interesting.
It has thus far discussed the psychological, physiological, and social benefits of running and has quoted many different sources for emphasis and backup.
I'll post some quotes a little later when I can lol.

Anywho, I have to write a poem for English, find my physics data and write my lab before Tuesday, finish my Physics homework before Wednesday, pack my things for my trip to hong kong before Thursday, tell my teachers I'll be absent thursday and Friday, read AP us history that I've been avoiding, make up assignments from days I was absent in English, and stay on top of my homework this whole week.
T.T curses lol.
It's doable, but with zero period and track, and my general reluctance to work, I will struggle a decent amount this week. @~@
I keep thinking about the beautiful and amazing girls at my school, well really just the ones from cross country and track, and how I don't socialize with them. I think I am afraid of hurting them, especially since I am planning on moving with my family soon.
I think they are beautiful and amazing, talented and intelligent, lonely and unique. But I am not suited for their needs and cares, especially with my schedule and life. I fear I cannot satisfy their needs as a boyfriend, and I cannot thus invest any effort in such an endeavor, especially if I care for their well being.
@~@ it's a sad and confusing thing, but it's all for the best I believe :)

And then there's that one girl.
I told her I wasnt interested, but she won't let me alone. >.>
Seriously stressing me out.
I should be able to do what I want without worrying about hurting someone else, especially when I told that someone I wasn't interested (in a polite and kindly fashion)
I took her to a dance, we had a good time, but I am in no way interested in her, and we are incompatible. Besides, she insulted my dancing and I guess that aggravated me too.
(not much at the time, but it's stayed with me, a dagger in my heart)
I am an exceptionally good dancer, and I do not appreciate some non dancer telling me that I could be good if I don't dance how I felt like dancing at that moment!! ToT!!
Nope, definitely not compatible.
I was not intrigued from my conversations with her either, and she always "??"'s me when I text her with anything on earth. (reply to her texts to be more exact)
As if what I said deserves that kind of rude and aggravating response.
Me:
"Blah blah blah ^u^
Haha, ttyl :D"
Her:
"??"

Wtf? WHY?! WWHYYYY??!!!
What don't you understand my god, and why don't you make any effort to point out what you don't understand?
Please GOD, include more information than two mere question marks for me to analyze!
I will consistently misinterpret the lack of data negatively, and will end up disliking texting you even more.

Grahh >.<
Some people are really not meant to interact I suppose :/
Idk, I'm too tense, sleep deprived, and stressed to deal with someone I know likes me whom I don't like back, whom I have trouble talking to.

----
Anyway, other aspects of life..
I don't really have any friends.
Other than my Mother, two sisters, and probably if he wasn't so busy with work my Dad too.
I have an old friend on Facebook who is nice, but he's a tiny bit crazy lol.
I could count one of the girls I like as a friend, but I never talk to her...
anymore that is..

Oh but I do have two friends in Arizona :P
From my old school, both are über epic and über nice lol :D
(one was my gf ^u^)
They are always and will always be my friends, tho I don't really talk to either of them much anymore either.
Before high school I was a much happier, goofier, more creative and fun kid.
Now I am an introvert that rarely expresses himself truly, I don't talk to people for I feel everyone will be mean to me, and I fear others. And one of my teachers is scary, and he tries to be nice because he truly is a nice person, but he is infinitely short tempered and notoriously bipolar.
He is scary, yet intelligent, bipolar, yet willing to help.
Stress does weird and foul things to humans, and thus it has done to him.

Well...
I don't know what else to ramble on about...
Except for lucid dreaming, using cramers rule to find inverse matrices for 3x3 matrices, and the general isolation from society that I feel. When your standards and thoughts are so different from your surrounding society you grow cynical and lonely, or you move and find your people. Hopefully.

I will write more later, most likely on yesterday's race and subsequent thoughts.

Humans are very bizarre creatures, and this becomes more apparent to me as the days fade away...

I'll discuss something more positive and focused next time, :}

Sincerely,

~James Dodon


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