Emotions and love often mix…

Dear readers, sometimes I think I love some people and other times I wonder if I truly do love anything at all. I fear that if I indulge in any activity, if I do fully commit myself to that activity, that if I give my heart body mind and soul to that activity, I fear I will lose myself in the process.

I have the potential for greatness in many areas, but any greatness I will achieve will be short lived if I end up resenting my work or if I do not love it and have a fiery passion for it.

Once the driving force behind my actions, my motivation and “drive”, is gone I will be dissuaded from furthering that career. I will become a joker of many, but a master of none.

Or whatever that old saying is anyway!! :p

I think that perhaps I am afraid, or rather insecure, to the point that I don’t take risks. That isn’t safe nor is it what is taught.

I have been programmed to follow the rules and the psychological responses I have to certain things have been trained into me since childhood. I react as I have been taught to.

However, surprisingly, lately it would seem that I don’t participate in certain emotional squanderings because I don’t invest or value them in any way. It appears that I have evaluated any outcome from the occurrence as a misdemeanor that will not  change any significant thing in my life except make it more stressful than it needs to be. It appears I weigh my supposed theoretical pros and cons and decide that the cons consume the pros and are not worth the time of my life.

What if I am wrong though?

What if I do need to spend more time socializing, more time indulging my emotions, more time creatively and actively expressing them so that I don’t explode or implode in various dysfunctional ways. I allow fear to prevent me from doing what I need to and that is not what I should do, that is the wrong way to deal with fear.

I should do what I need to and deal with the consequences as they arise calmly and in the present anti-tense.

I do not think I articulated my thoughts well enough and may revise or try again later. As you do realize, this blog is for me not really for you. But… you can still enjoy it if that is what affect it has on you. affect=affection=emotion

effect=effected=result

Cause(<->) effect

Caused the effect that affected who? Maybe not affected? idk.
But anyway,

Thanks for reading,

~Sage