Emotions and love often mix…

Dear readers, sometimes I think I love some people and other times I wonder if I truly do love anything at all. I fear that if I indulge in any activity, if I do fully commit myself to that activity, that if I give my heart body mind and soul to that activity, I fear I will lose myself in the process.

I have the potential for greatness in many areas, but any greatness I will achieve will be short lived if I end up resenting my work or if I do not love it and have a fiery passion for it.

Once the driving force behind my actions, my motivation and “drive”, is gone I will be dissuaded from furthering that career. I will become a joker of many, but a master of none.

Or whatever that old saying is anyway!! :p

I think that perhaps I am afraid, or rather insecure, to the point that I don’t take risks. That isn’t safe nor is it what is taught.

I have been programmed to follow the rules and the psychological responses I have to certain things have been trained into me since childhood. I react as I have been taught to.

However, surprisingly, lately it would seem that I don’t participate in certain emotional squanderings because I don’t invest or value them in any way. It appears that I have evaluated any outcome from the occurrence as a misdemeanor that will not  change any significant thing in my life except make it more stressful than it needs to be. It appears I weigh my supposed theoretical pros and cons and decide that the cons consume the pros and are not worth the time of my life.

What if I am wrong though?

What if I do need to spend more time socializing, more time indulging my emotions, more time creatively and actively expressing them so that I don’t explode or implode in various dysfunctional ways. I allow fear to prevent me from doing what I need to and that is not what I should do, that is the wrong way to deal with fear.

I should do what I need to and deal with the consequences as they arise calmly and in the present anti-tense.

I do not think I articulated my thoughts well enough and may revise or try again later. As you do realize, this blog is for me not really for you. But… you can still enjoy it if that is what affect it has on you. affect=affection=emotion

effect=effected=result

Cause(<->) effect

Caused the effect that affected who? Maybe not affected? idk.
But anyway,

Thanks for reading,

~Sage

Hmm… I never update do I?

Dear Readers,

I am sorry I have not updated this blog lately, and I guess I will make up for it by updating it from now on. :D (Well… hopefully xD)

I will now briefly outline the successes of my cross country season this year, 2010, as the season just recently ended.

The whole season I was fighting off shin splints that I got from running high fast mileage.

I started out the season with a blazing 17:39 and by the end of the season I had it down to, my personal best, 16:46!

I have received a lot of medals this year, although I still feel I didn’t do my best at Clovis and could’ve gotten a medal there, and got my last medal at League Finals.

I got first place. For sophomores ;D

That day was craazy, and I am sure if it hadn’t occurred the way it did I would not have won.

The day was really really hot, way over 100 degrees F, and they postponed the races till later and decided to have two big races for boys and for girls, jv with v, and soph with fresh.

Well later came and it was too hot so they said they’d postpone it for a half hour whilst the coaches talked it out. Our coach said part of the problem was that the football game was going to be on the track later, our starting point for the race, and he was trying to get them to postpone and move the race to a new location.

Well I jokingly said to one guy, I believe it was JV Chris Moore, or V Ethan DeSon or someone(who had originally told me about the combined 2 races), something like “Wouldn’t it be crazy if they just had all of us race at once? ;D” And they said something about yeah but they probably wouldn't, that would be a lot of people.

Guess what? Our Coach, Coach Dollar, runs to us and says we are running in 30 mins. In one big heat!!

The poor girls raced basically right then with two laps on the track for a warm up, and it was hotter when they were racing.

Luckily for me I drank four gallons of water or so and some gatorade too so I was better prepared than some of the guys who thought they’d cancel the race for sure.

I knew I didn’t stand a chance if I got excited and chased the varsity around so I went out decently fast, ok I went out slow, and slowly passed a lot of my competition in the race!

Now back to the only reason why I won, Josh Reise has had an off season this year, and yet still got fifth at mount sac recently, and his talent is still amazing although not as much as it should be.

He should be running low sixteens to high fifteens but no, he took too much time off, got lazy, and yet he still poses a major threat to me because even though he didn’t improve much he has improved still. And I have injuries too.(I believe he does)

So anyway, because we were running with EVRYONE, varsity y(&) JV y freshmen, Josh naturally tried to fit in where he should be. He ran behind some of our slower varsity runners, low sixteens, and burned out at the end a bit. He still got third in our race believe it or not, and only got passed by myself and someone else on our team.

I really hope that my injuries will stop occuring and that we will do lower mileage during track season, I want to be amazing and do amazing things. I want to letter, break 2:00 on the 800, and get some amazing time on the mile and perhaps the two-mile as well.

Well that’s all I have time for right now, so I guess I’ll post more some time soon! (Hopefully :D)

Thanks for reading,

Sincerely,

~James