Designing Really, Creating? Virtually!

Hello everyone! :)
I recently took up the task of designing something to build in OpenSim to gain skills in building, to have a potential place for friends to visit one day that would be fun, and to see what I could come up with and to have fun building it myself!!

I cannot wait until Linden Labs pathfinding tools are released, for game-related thingers so I can add monsters to the thing that I am making :D
It is supposed to be a giant rectangular box, that is actually a maze that when you enter it you wander around and fall through the floor to the next stage in the maze.
There are only three floors in this beta model that I designed, but eventually I will design one with many more floors and secrets, one that will be super massive and awesome!!
(and take up a whole sim!! @O@)
For right now my meager beginnings with building and with this project will suffice ;}

Here are some pictures basically sketching out the project:



These are the basic sketches I did to get a general idea of what I wanted to accomplish with my project.
The pictures go as follows: sketch of entrance, sketch of top floor, second floor, third floor, and sketch of final destination (which you teleport to).

I have also drawn out blueprints on graph paper, which I will include in a blog post tomorrow hopefully. (wait today is tomorrow, it’s 12:58 at night xD so… later today then I suppose lol. Though I am sleep deprived (of own choice) and can’t guarantee quality lol ;p)

Here, I’ll boot up OpenSim real quick to grab a screenshot of what the project looks like thus far (which isn’t much):

Here’s OpenSim running (yes, it runs in command prompt! lol)


Here is the humble project thus far!!
What you see is going to be part of the top floor, with the left cylinder being a secret room.



As you can see, my current level of expertise requires me to make a giant triangular prism in order to allow people to get in and out of the secret room. Interesting huh?


As you can see in the above picture, there is a hidden ramp to go up through the phantom roof and out across into the secret room!!
(originally I had planned for the roof to be phantom and if you jumped right you’d go through it, but without providing a custom avatar to allow me to make the maze height smaller (and thus allow a jump to actually go through a phantom ceiling, instead of popping up and falling back in).
Actually, giving a custom avatar at the start of the maze would be a wonderful idea!
It would make the space needed for the maze much smaller! lol
And would make interesting features and obstacles in the maze easier to construct.
The idea is that as you progress there are more enemies and more chests, and the chests you open have weapons made by me in them (or treasure/freebies).
The weapons allow you to defeat enemies, and the weapons you get-get stronger as you progress through the floors.
(but so do the enemies you face, so there is a balance.)
Only weapons created by me will damage the mobs (mobile objects xD),  and thus you cannot cheat by bringing in your own weapons.

I found out that in OpenSim it is really easy to create a user, but hard to delete them!
You have to edit the database files or something, .db in the bin folder, and manually modify whatever is needed!
I thought I needed it to set the owner of my land, when really I just needed to click “request admin priveleges” or whatever it is in-world, so I downloaded a few programs and tested them out.
The one you want is called SQLite Manager, and it is an add-on for firefox.
When I load it it takes a while, firefox seems to be not responding for a few secs, and then it loads.
Then I click the .db file I want, and then I edit what I want!! XD
(you can change the name of your land and whatever too)

So I am not sure if that is useful, but there you go! \(^u^)/
I really hope to learn Linden Scripting Language and become proficient in it!
It would be a great skill to know and have, and would allow me to create absolutely whatever I wanted in Second Life or OpenSim.
I am curious as to how textures are made for objects with weird shapes, such as cars and bikes and other weird complex things, for things with curved surfaces, etc..
It has to be hard I’d think!
Unless there is a program that can take your model and take your image and take your input and directions to make it look how you want it to.
Like… you it knows which parts of the texture image to distort, enlarge, and shrink in order for it to show up properly.

Idk, I need to figure out sculpty prims and whatnot lol.
Apparently to make doors work you have to cut  a cube in half so you can trick the physics engine into thinking the center of your object is where the doors hinges are, so when it rotates 90 degrees it opens like a door!
(cuz objects in second life do not rotate on a hinge, rather they rotate about the center of themselves. (so a door would “open”, but right in the middle of the doorframe | \ | <—type of deal))

I would like to create replicas of virtual items I have seen in other games so I can enjoy them in Second Life and OpenSim, as I would love to have all my virtual items with me no matter what game I am playing, (so I suppose that would be cross-virtual-universe item compatibility, idk), and I think it would be interesting to do so.
I would like to create a replica of Tom Nooks Pic, from ACWW.
I can rip the sprite from the game, import it into Second Life, design a frame, and be happy with that.
But that image is probably copyrighted, and if I ever sold it I probably would get in trouble.
(I don’t even know if I am allowed to even distribute that image, it’s probably the property of Nintendo or something. Maybe they’ll let me get away with it when I tell them I am a huge and loyal fan, and when I tell them I bought 3 acww game cartridges, two of which I still have.)

Or… I can make a work of art based on Tom Nooks Pic, and import that into Second Life or OpenSim to enjoy or sell for whatever reason I wish to do so.
I just don’t know if using Tom Nooks Pic as a reference for my work, thereby making it a derivative work I suppose, would still violate copyright laws because it would be considered a derivative work building off of and dependent on the original Tom Nooks Pic.

Woah, my brain is like shutting down! (probably literally lol)
I am super tired and it’s becoming harder to focus…
Maybe I should go do Linden Realms to try and earn some free Lindens xD
Well, that’s all I have to discuss for now!! :D
I hope to see you in-world one day!

’Til next time! (prob later today )

~James Dodon


(P.s. mehh kinda lame bonus pic!!
birds-eye view of project aMaze so far!!

                                                                                        )

Life, philosophy, and OpenSim

Hello everyone!! :D

Yesterday I converted the OpenSim installation on my laptop into a local server so my sisters could join me in OpenSim!! ^u^ (I still feel like calling it Second Life for some reason XD it just sounds… cooler, or something, idk lol)
My younger sister got crazy with the creation of prims, making fishes of all sorts and rezzing them all over the island, while my older sister began to play around with terraforming!!

I finished up building my house and found a LSL script online so my door can actually allow people in and out of it: if you click the door it becomes “phantom” and you can walk through it, and if you click it again it becomes solid once more.
All the scripts to rotate doors were making my door rotate in the middle of the doorframe, rather than on a hinge. >.>
Hopefully I’ll figure out what went wrong with that some day soon lol  :)
I am currently reading a few books on animation, texturing, and scripting in second life and I hope to practice and garner these skills in my offline OpenSim server.
It should be awesome!! :D
(though confusing, hard, and time consuming XD)

There are a ton of OpenSim grids that sell cheap land that is then on a public grid!! :D
(although you could probably make it private too, idk)
The most interesting of them that I have seen so far is Kitely, where instead of paying a flat rate per month or per year, you only pay for the minutes you are in-world.
So if you have a large company that meets in-world like twice a month, you only pay for the time spent in-world those two times each month.
(but, mind you, that’s paying a price for each and every person in-world. I think it’s cheap, but I do not recall.)
But think about this, the free account gets 120 minutes free each month and get’s it’s own world for free.
Yes that’s right, this is the only website I have seen so far that offers free land. This is puzzling and interesting, perhaps made possible due to the unique payment structure of the Kitely startup itself.
It has it’s own currency now which can be used in-world, and you can actually pay for your account with the KC currency if you make enough in-world.  
How crazy is that?!?

I applied to joing the google group “The Hypergrid Adventurers Club”, but I do not know if they got back to me yet or not. *shrug
I hope they can teach me how to hypergrid and why it’s not working currently!! XD

In one of the books I am reading it was teaching me about Sculpty Prims, which are basically a prim that you make customly outside of second life and then import into second life as an image that can be applied to a normal prim to turn it into a Sculpty. Whew! what a long sentence! lol
The simplest program to use is SculptyPaint, written in Java, which has some predefined shapes that you tweak and then import into the game. (sphere, flowers, stairs, etc)

I actually made something and imported it in :P
Here look:

There it is! Isn’t it loverly! :p
Reminds me of a chest piece really haha :>

While I have these pictures up, here I’ll post some of the others!! :P


Here is my beautiful house!! As you can see, I even created a ramp to the door!! :P
The only issue that bothers me right now is the tiling of the textures on the two pieces of the house itself above and to the right of the door: they don’t match the other parts of the house!! D:
I believe that is due to me stretching the objects rather than changing their size.. .grrr
I will try to fix that later…

Here is our humble island!! As you can see there isn’t much yet, but what there is makes me happy and is pretty awesome in and of itself!! :}
You probably have noticed the triangular orange thing on my roof, and the big floating blob in the sky, and are wondering what in the name of OpenSim are they?
Well…


They are flying fish!! XD
Flying fish created by my younger sister whom I was mentioning earlier :>
Above in this pic is the Flying Fish Brigade, and if you look carefully you can see a school of triangular fish down under the sea…



Triangular fish look like fish from the front, ya see?
They have two eyes and a triangular body, and like to travel in packs it seems.
Oh, they also like to hide on top of buildings and such it seems.


Here are two fish staring at me and wondering why I am not suffocating under water.


Here you can see triangular fish and a big blobby fish under the surface of the cool and rippling water.



And in the above picture you see yet another type of fish my sister created, a (dare I call it) spherical fish?
I’ll have to ask her what she named these different breeds of fish, because as for right now I believe they are all named the default “Primitive”.


Here is a little family of the circle fish thingies <3333
:3 awww lol


And here is a rogue blobby fish with triangular fish and another blob fish in the background.
Maybe they are playing tag and the blob in the background is chasing him down? @o@


Hmm… speaking of blobby feesh, this is Big Fish Mountain!! :P
Named that while I was naming the picture files for this blog upload, Big Fish Mountain is a spectacular sight, with a giant turquoise fish sticking out of the top of it.
It’s a hard climb though, so steep it may take supernatural flying powers or something to get up there



Here is a gigantic copy of my house that I rezzed in the sky!!


There’s my avatar standing in the gigantic doorway!


Here’s what the inside looks like, and there in the background is my sculpty prim :D

On top of my giant house is a little circle fish I asked my sister to put there so I could nab a copy!! TuT aweee yea!! lol :>

Here is my sister standing on top of another of her creations, clearly posing for what would become her introduction on my blog.
Look at that spirit of adventure and passion in her eyes! She is scanning the horizon, thinking of all the possibilities and planning something new…


Here she is from farther away
(btw, I do not know what that is that she is standing on!! I think it’s like a non-snowman snowman creature thingy that she created!! I think its awesome!! ^u^
It kinda reminds me of a creature we would have seen in Super Mario 64, when fighting the giant (cardboard?) rectangular boss that you had to ground pound on to destroy)


And here she is from the side, about to fly off into the sky, an eagle scoping out her surroundings and planning her next great endeavour…



Well, that’s all the pictures I have to upload today!!
I feel like I have talked about the following before, but I think it’s an important thing to discuss.

Second Life is dying. It’s true. Many people are leaving virtual worlds entirely, and some of them are moving over to OpenSim.
The Residents in Second Life likely aren’t aware of the OpenSim grids, as I wasn’t until I discovered it and wanted my own OpenSim land to play around with, to learn the skills prerequisite to excellent Second Life building and scripting. (and opensim building and scripting for that matter.)
The physics engine of Second Life is superior to OpenSim, sadly, and OpenSim is way harder to navigate.
However, I believe it has always been the plan to make Second Life open source at some point in it’s future, and perhaps if it dies that will be sooner than many of us would have thought possible. (not that I want it to die! it’s something that is really sad, it has the potential to completely destroy the future that I believed in when I chose to believe in Second Life and all that it stands for, to destroy a future of a massive social internet experience, with things such as in-world supermarket stores that actually ship the food you buy and the items you buy to your real-life house.
(for this type of idea, the land regions where the supermarkets would be would have to only allow you to be there with so many others at the same time in your viewer.
I.e. the sim actually has like, lets say, 1,000 people on it at the moment. All shopping for food and items and etc.
Why is it not lagging?
Because it doesn’t load you all into the same instance of it, it loads groups of 50 or 100 together.
You are stuck with the same 49 or 99 people that you entered the market with, until any number of them leave and are replaced by new people teleporting to that sim.
It’s the same sim for everyone, but the people that are allowed to see each other and coexisit have been limited due to space and lag issues. (among other issues)

This is the future I would love to see…
I actually have an idea I would like to pursue one day, but I cannot mention it here for fear of it being stolen by someone with more resources than I currently have at this time.
(not that someone might come up with the idea independently from me and make it all the same)

Second life is like the human face of data and the internet, it’s beautiful and interactive, social and economic, and political and educative, among other things.
There is so much potential!!
All it needs is a really organized and good system for interaction and other things!
It needs a way for like-minded people to meet!
The tech is outdated as far as finding and meeting people, things, places that you would like to, and it’s about time it changes!
Second Life at it’s best would allow so much more than any of us could imagine, but it currently is not as I would hope it would be.
Wouldn’t it be amazing to meet foreign language speakers who speak the language you are trying to learn on Second Life? And to have them help you out and become friends with you?
That would be sweet and awesome!

I read that one of the best ways to learn a language is to go out and be immersed in it, to speak with the locals.
Many of us cannot do this, and many of us will never even leave our country!
Second life allows us the opportunity that we could not have.
It allows us to observe the culture and spirit of other nationalities as well, through their artistic creation and expression in Second Life itself, and through conversing with them.
It allows us to attend speeches, to attend virtual classes where everyone can easily change their view to see the powerpoint if they can’t easily do so without detracting from the lesson or anything at all really.
It allows us to have fun and explore a world of infinite possibility with our loved ones and friends, and allows us to learn programming in a very rewarding environment.
It can teach us project management skills, with designing something and the building it in-world, and allows us to foster a sense of community with community projects building things.

It’s a world that we make ourselves, for ourselves and for others.
Ideally it would be able to support multimedia formats in-world, and have them part of the Second Life world itself, such that you could read pdfs in world, buy pdfs in world, watch movies in the in-world movie theater (movies that you bought tickets for with the virtual currency you bought or earned), the list goes on and on!

One of the issues with Second Life is that we can’t all have jobs in Second Life and make money in Second Life.
There needs to be consumers and producers, it won’t work if there is only producers!
That would also damage the Economy I think, flooding the markets and drastically reducing any existing buyer capacity.
(not sure if I used the right terminology, but I think my idea came through pretty well!)
Not all of us can spend a lot of time in Second Life, the community cannot grow past a certain point unless it is adopted widely by Schools and other organizations, and is an accepted medium for such professional usage.
Once all kinds of jobs can be done within Second Life, or within a computer, then the user base, community, and cashflow should increase.
(although I do believe there is an increase in home-jobs these days, I also think that those jobs are probably time-consuming and that many people who consider themselves professionals would never use Second Life unless it was an industry standard.)

Second Life should have been geared more like Open Wonderland was.
Open Wonderland was developed by Sun Microsystems, and when Sun was acquired by Oracle funding was stopped.
It is currently an open-source community project, if I recall correctly, and it even has a little video detailing how it was (is??) supposed to be used.
It is totally geared towards doing business and towards businesses, and seems to be more along the multimedia idea I mentioned earlier.
http://openwonderland.org/
There’s a link to it, you should go check it out lol.

It’s written in Java so it is truly has the potential to be a  wider in scope virtual realm that allows for what I envision in the above paragraphs.

Well, I think there was more that I wanted to say… but this post is waayyy to long as it is!!
Thank you for reading!! :) (even if you just skimmed for the pictures XD)
’Til next time

~James Dodon


(bonus Piccy!

Hmm.. I don’t always think while sitting on prims, but when I do I hang off the sides of them by my legs!! XD :P ;})

Virtual Growth and Knowledge

 

Hello again all you wonderful readers!!

I told you guys that I would update again, and would include piccies, so here we goo!!
Yesterday I visited the ReactionGrid, the OSgrid, and the good ol’ Second Life Grid.
I made accounts for Reaction and OS, James Dodon, and Almost Nobody respectively, and went exploring!! :>
It was extraordinarily hard to find my way around, and all my teleportation attempts kept failing :/
I did see some amazing places though, and had a pretty good time so far!! ^u^

At the end of my travels I went to my super secret super awesome super super fantabulous  off-the-grid (no pun intended :p) server, where I practiced terraforming and building things. :3
I am in the process of building a house,  but I don’t know how to do the front wall because it looks like it might take 3 prims, when I am sure there must be some way to make it with only 1 or 2…
(I need a hole in it for my door. Prims are just objects, 1 prim could be one rectangular, square, or triangular prism, etc…)
I am figuring this out as I go!! XD

Here is a picture of the house so far…
House:


Oh so you see that thing in the back corner?
That is a dispenser, if clicked it gives the person who clicked it a notecard I wrote welcoming them to my humble world
I’m hoping to add freebies to it as well, so if I ever get on the grid the people that visit will be happy and will help create a beautiful world.

Here are the other things in my world at the moment,

As you can see, I have a weirdo tree like blob, a tree, and a cylinder with a triangular prism attached to its head. (the cylinder is linked to the prism, so they are essentially one object, and they have a script so if you are within 5 meters of them and click them they move 3 meters forward, and if you are outside of the 5 meter range then they turn to face you. :P
Awesome huh? You can write scripts and make the objects behave in interesting ways lol (that’s how you make doors open and close )

My humble little world doesn’t have much to offer yet, but it’s getting there
With freebies such as the newspaper dispenser I got online, I think I can add even more spice than my nooby attempts at creating things like the building XD

On to other things…
While in Second Life the past week or so, I was attending a kinda treasure hunt type o deal, where I have to find these little coins witih emblems on them and click then for the clues as to where the other coins are.
In theory I will eventually reach the final coin and will get a prize for my efforts.
Well….
I found a few of the coins, followed their directions, and wound up in a graveyard.
I began hopelessly clicking graves to see if they would open up and reveal the coin, but instead a bunch of crazy rabbits began to bite and scare the crap outta me XD
I was like OH MY GOD! and I ran into a little shanty in the middle of the graveyard.
And lo and behold, there was the coin!! :p
Needless to say, I didn’t particularly like the rabbits, but I braved them to get a piccy for you :3 *blushes
Here you go!!
(I’ll actually just post a few pictures of my avatar, the rabbits, etc)





Then my Avatar in the Graveyard

This last pic is what it looks like whilst the rabbits are trying to rip out my intestines O_o
Scary huh?
Good thing health was not enabled in this region!! (yes, health can be enabled in certain regions and death is by and far never a good thing!!! lol)

Here are some pictures of my adventures in ReactionGrid and maybe (if I took any) in OSgrid…

This is on the ReactionGrid, as you can see part of the logo in the upper right part of the picture!
That in the center of the picture is what I labored on for quite a while, it says

”~James Dodon :p
this is awesome, plz excz bad art XD”

Idk why I did it like that, but it was fun :D

Here is another picture, it’s my avatar (I always have a hard time customizing my avatars :<) next to a Hypergrid Adventurers Club sign.
(hypergrid is jumping between grids without having an account on the grid you jump to, but still having your other grid avatar be what you are using. )

I want to join the club, but so far I can’t get any hypergrid like things to work :/
Maybe they can help me, but I do not know *shrug

I hope to explore these beautiful and amazing regions more fully, and to meet new people, make friends, and to build a beautiful world as well. :}

Thank you for reading, this is all I have for now,
Stay Awesome!!

Sincerely,

~James Dodon

(P.s. Bonus Pic!! :P
In the reaction grid home area, my avatar glitched!! @o@
(the physics engines of OpenSim and Second Life are different btw)

LOL, got my head up my butt XD
Oh well, thanks for reading!!
Sincerely,

~James)

~To Second Life and Beyond!~

Hello mah peeps and peepets!

How are you all doing?
Today I wanted to do an update on my life in general, as well as an update on my "second life" in general.
Second Life is a virtual world run and hosted by Linden Labs, in which Residents (that's what they call their users) can explore the world or actually own land by paying a monthly tier(monthly cost) and an initial purchase of land fee.
In recent years the prices for land have become atrocious and more and more people are leaving Second Life for the OpenSim network.

What is OpenSim?
OpenSim as I have come to know it (in my brief (very very brief) exposure to it) is too things;

1.) It is a way for people to have an offline home to play around with and to build their own little world.

2.)It is a way for people to host their own virtual servers for more affordable prices, and it is a way for people to access those servers.

The last part about it, the accessing of the OpenSim servers, that is actually not part of OpenSim but is rather a feature of the "Viewer" (webbrowser like application used to view virtual worlds) that you should be using to OpenSim it up. ;D

Well, needless to say, I installed OpenSim on my pc! :)
It was really confusing to set up at first, and then I realized that my computer was 64 bit so I had to run something with the name of opensim32bit.exe or something instead of the plain opensim.exe

It was so cool!! :D
It was my own little island! ^u^
I right away built a cylinder and a triangular block and tried to figure out how to link them.
(I had to google it, but you just hold down shift and click them both and then click "link". (I think you should move them so they are touching first though, as I am not sure if it will still work if they are seperated by a large amount of space... hmm... I should figure that out lol))

After linking them I changed my avatar from female to male, I guess the default was female, but my avatar still looks freakishsly like a man-woman!! XD
Apparently he's wearing a sexy woman outfit or something O.o
And I can't find any others that came bundled with the software lol.
I need to find out where I can download some free clothes haha.

I have a modeling program on my pc, so I hope to create some things that I could then import. (imports seem to be .xml files, so hopefully I can make xml files that are compatible)

As far as my RL (real life) goes, I went to church yesterday and had a good time. The entirety of my church lasts for three hours each sunday, from one to four p.m., and it consists of Sunday School and the taking of the Sacrament.
It was motivating as far as my own personal flaws are concerned, and it reminded me to make a conscious effort to be kind to everyone including my family. (well especially my family lol)

I am currently reading a book on my iPad called "Making the Metaverse" I think, (the making of the metaverse?? idk), and it is very very interesting.
It's about the creation of Second Life, it's community, and the culture as it developed throughout the similar Development of Second Life and Linden Labs.
It discusses the concepts of virtual worlds in general as well, not just Second Life, and is a very thoughtful and good read thus far.
I actually follow the blog of the author, I think it's called "New World Notes", which is a blog about Second Life mostly.
I really want a future making something like Second Life accessible to the masses, to everyone.
I don't know how graphics would work, but hopefully the tech will carry us through :}

I want to learn to program in Java and C# but I want to explore Second Life and learn to program the in-world scripting language first, so I can make my own world and get a feel for what I like and dislike about what Linden Labs have turned their world into. (since I plan on making my own kinda virtual realm one day)
I guess I need a career in 3d graphics (openGL tech), networking, and all the things that would make me desirable to a company such as Linden Labs.
(Because I would want some experience before I go and lay my whole life on the line, I would try and work with the existing big-players first and see how they run, get some experience, and then do it my-way and do it better.)

I think I have blogged about enough for now! XD
Sorry about the Length of the blog, I got carried away lol :)
I'll have pics next time to liven it up, I promise :P
(Maybe I got carried away because I am using my new Bluetooth keyboard on my iPad to write this? :D hehehe...)

Thanks for reading!

Sincerely,

~James Dodon



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Lemony Life

Hello! :D
It's been a while, but I do plan I blogging more often like I always say I do lol :)

Right now in life I feel like I am having some issues with my identity, perhaps with my psychological state of mind, but what exactly has changed isn't entirely clear.
I feel I am putting on the blinds, when I have to deal with something stressful, in my mind.

Perhaps I can't handle any more stress than my moving to hong kong, and perhaps I inadvertently ignore everything else because I can't deal with any more stress.

Hmm...
All of this conjecture doesn't do much, but it acknowledges some issues that are polluting my life currently.
That or I am having issues because I am becoming crazy xD
I think I am just unhappy because I want to focus on Hong Kong, because it's stress demands my attention, and school takes soo much time that I don't have time for myself and hong kong issues.

I don't know...

Well, on other things...
I want to finish my Acww romhack before AC3ds is released, but I don't see how I can between school and packing for hong kong.

I want to start gradually increasing my mileage to get ready for next years cross country season too, and running helps with stress :)
This year so far has sucked lol.
Maybe I've been shaken somewhere in the deep abyss of my mind, by my unspectacular xc season, but wherever it is it hasn't shaken the foundation, but rather caused it to lean like the tower of Pisa. *shrug
That probably doesn't make sense, but whatever lol.
This is more for myself than anyone else ;}
(I believe it is semi-therapeutic for people to write out their feelings somewhere. Plus, it might help me identify what is wrong and correct it.)

If the issue lies in motivation and self-esteem, then I need to focus and try to work on my emotions.
Make more friends, stop being so uptight, worried, and terse.
(if that's the right word lol)

It's odd, I like to think I can see the cold logic behind the decisions and facts of life that I am influenced by and participate in, yet my emotions misbehave and when I do make ＂logical ＂decisions, as I am fond and passionate about doing, I seem to bury my real feelings and emotions irretrievably deep down within myself.
(okay not irretrievably, but it makes me question their existence even. I doubt the substance of my own character, not knowing whether my choice to act as what I perceive to be best has benefitted or bested me. @~@)

I am honestly probably deeply sad, but about what?
I do not wish to think about it, perhaps I don't allow myself to drink too deep for fear of drowning.
When I am unhappy I seem to become rather unpleasant and disinclined to work outside of my schoolwork and things I am deeply passionate about.
Perhaps I stop caring, but its hard to tell because I know logically I should do it, but I feel stressed and nervous, like I know I should do it but I don't want to/don't feel like I know how to.
I probably fear being told my work sucks, I don't like people telling me something I worked on is god awful.
Teachers really shouldn't abuse students for making mistakes, because that is HOW you learn!!
And I feel like I refuse to work for someone who is mean and uncaring towards me, so perhaps I feel this way towards my teachers.
I feel like they honestly couldn't care less, but I digress. They probably care limitedly, and I likely imagine them worse than they really are. Idk.

This all is just my rambling, if there is any truth in it, one cannot be too certain, for the ramblings of any man are the ramblings of a madman. ~u~

If you read any of this, forgive any pessimistic attributes.
This is actually supposed to be optimistic, to help me correct my issues if possible :]
I love life, the world, running, reading, writing, women, dancing, and eating delish food :P
There is much to be thankful for, and I am happy to be where I am :)

You can't spend your whole life focusing on what you don't have, you have to acknowledge what you have and that nothing is more exhilarating than just being, creating, existing in this magnificent and wondrous world of ours :]

It is an honor to share this experience with all of you, and I wish you all the best ^u^

Sincerely,

~James Dodon

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Some Thoughts on Life

We live in a world dictated by others' needs, wills, deeds, and desires, a world that ensnares us in trickery and illusion, keeping us wrapped tight and predictable in the rapid prison of day-to-day life.
What, then, should be the chieftain aim of this brief, troubled, mortal life?
From my organized thoughts, on a separate paper not in this article, the chieftain aims of life are as follows:

1.)To create your works, your legacy
->To expose corruption,
Improve everything
NOTHING is perfect
(Does not mean to go apeshit crazy like McCarthyism) XD.


1.2)Find a partner and fall passionately and irrevocably in love, spending your life learning them and learning with them.
A life long friend and love, one that you become inseparably close with.
->Do not be afraid to take risks

2.)Experience Life, live, love, laugh, share yourself and your love with everyone you meet.
(consume and analyze works, and if they are sedentary(TV), do not frequent them but instead, on the occasions you do, analyze them for something useful)


3.)Join or create clubs (online and in your community).
Spark the creativity and thoughts of your community. Form a mighty brotherhood and achieve greatness and works.
Look out for those with no-one to look out for them, and those in your brotherhood.

Remember:
Cynicism isn't wisdom, it's just a way of saying that you've been burned.

~Peace,
James Dodon
Sunday,
4-14-2012
(m-d-y)

Another day, another drama

Everyday seems to be more and more stressful and dramatic.
I lose my phone, I lose the data for my physics lab, we may move to hong kong, we may not.
...
Okay, my life isn't as dramatic as I thought, even if I feel the above segment justifies my statement.
My teachers assign homework that is worthless but takes up a ton of time, and every day I feel I get less sleep than I need. (indeed some nights as little as 5 hours of sleep)
Grahh, I am frustrated with life lol.

I am currently reading a book about running, called The Complete Book of Running, and so far it is very interesting.
It has thus far discussed the psychological, physiological, and social benefits of running and has quoted many different sources for emphasis and backup.
I'll post some quotes a little later when I can lol.

Anywho, I have to write a poem for English, find my physics data and write my lab before Tuesday, finish my Physics homework before Wednesday, pack my things for my trip to hong kong before Thursday, tell my teachers I'll be absent thursday and Friday, read AP us history that I've been avoiding, make up assignments from days I was absent in English, and stay on top of my homework this whole week.
T.T curses lol.
It's doable, but with zero period and track, and my general reluctance to work, I will struggle a decent amount this week. @~@
I keep thinking about the beautiful and amazing girls at my school, well really just the ones from cross country and track, and how I don't socialize with them. I think I am afraid of hurting them, especially since I am planning on moving with my family soon.
I think they are beautiful and amazing, talented and intelligent, lonely and unique. But I am not suited for their needs and cares, especially with my schedule and life. I fear I cannot satisfy their needs as a boyfriend, and I cannot thus invest any effort in such an endeavor, especially if I care for their well being.
@~@ it's a sad and confusing thing, but it's all for the best I believe :)

And then there's that one girl.
I told her I wasnt interested, but she won't let me alone. >.>
Seriously stressing me out.
I should be able to do what I want without worrying about hurting someone else, especially when I told that someone I wasn't interested (in a polite and kindly fashion)
I took her to a dance, we had a good time, but I am in no way interested in her, and we are incompatible. Besides, she insulted my dancing and I guess that aggravated me too.
(not much at the time, but it's stayed with me, a dagger in my heart)
I am an exceptionally good dancer, and I do not appreciate some non dancer telling me that I could be good if I don't dance how I felt like dancing at that moment!! ToT!!
Nope, definitely not compatible.
I was not intrigued from my conversations with her either, and she always "??"'s me when I text her with anything on earth. (reply to her texts to be more exact)
As if what I said deserves that kind of rude and aggravating response.
Me:
"Blah blah blah ^u^
Haha, ttyl :D"
Her:
"??"

Wtf? WHY?! WWHYYYY??!!!
What don't you understand my god, and why don't you make any effort to point out what you don't understand?
Please GOD, include more information than two mere question marks for me to analyze!
I will consistently misinterpret the lack of data negatively, and will end up disliking texting you even more.

Grahh >.<
Some people are really not meant to interact I suppose :/
Idk, I'm too tense, sleep deprived, and stressed to deal with someone I know likes me whom I don't like back, whom I have trouble talking to.

----
Anyway, other aspects of life..
I don't really have any friends.
Other than my Mother, two sisters, and probably if he wasn't so busy with work my Dad too.
I have an old friend on Facebook who is nice, but he's a tiny bit crazy lol.
I could count one of the girls I like as a friend, but I never talk to her...
anymore that is..

Oh but I do have two friends in Arizona :P
From my old school, both are über epic and über nice lol :D
(one was my gf ^u^)
They are always and will always be my friends, tho I don't really talk to either of them much anymore either.
Before high school I was a much happier, goofier, more creative and fun kid.
Now I am an introvert that rarely expresses himself truly, I don't talk to people for I feel everyone will be mean to me, and I fear others. And one of my teachers is scary, and he tries to be nice because he truly is a nice person, but he is infinitely short tempered and notoriously bipolar.
He is scary, yet intelligent, bipolar, yet willing to help.
Stress does weird and foul things to humans, and thus it has done to him.

Well...
I don't know what else to ramble on about...
Except for lucid dreaming, using cramers rule to find inverse matrices for 3x3 matrices, and the general isolation from society that I feel. When your standards and thoughts are so different from your surrounding society you grow cynical and lonely, or you move and find your people. Hopefully.

I will write more later, most likely on yesterday's race and subsequent thoughts.

Humans are very bizarre creatures, and this becomes more apparent to me as the days fade away...

I'll discuss something more positive and focused next time, :}

Sincerely,

~James Dodon


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