The Strange Metamorphosis of Life

There comes a point in your life, when you realize that there are many things about yourself the truth of which you have never come to terms with, aspects of your character that are either hidden or really unpleasant to behold.

And sometimes, just sometimes, you begin to wonder... when did I become such an asshole?

I mean, seriously, no-one likes to be told they are an arse, therefore once one is told such a fabulous observation about themselves, how do they respond?

I guess we could agree that if someone tells you that you're a butthole, either
A: you are a butthole,
B: they are a butthole and don't like you,
C: you are both buttholes and no one likes either of you,
D: they think you are a butthole but you really aren't
or
E: you are only a butthole under certain conditions, conditions which you should be aware of.

For me it turns out my case of "The Great Buttholio" comes from situation E.
I become extremely unpleasant to be around in certain situations and in response to certain factors.
This comes back to the idea of "Reaction versus action", reacting to situations will usually put you into bad water, as people tend to be defensive rather than rational when reacting to things.
(More primal, emotive)

Let's discuss the heart of the issue in my case:
First, are there very logical reasons for my anger and fiery rudeness?
Well.. yes, but there are also logical reasons for not responding in a manner that upsets everyone else around you.

For example, the first semester I was in college I lived with my roommate, and over the course of two semesters we kind of became accustomed to each other's ground rules, or so I thought.
Well, I made it clear that I really didn't like it when he played his music out loud, and yet when I was in the room with him he would play his music out loud anyway.
I always use my headphones, but I can't hear my own thoughts, let alone my music, when he is playing his music out loud.

Okay, so how does one respond?
Obviously you should have a talk with your roommate and ask them to please not play music out loud while you are in the room, since you have to study and whatnot. A simple, calm, rational, and respectful approach to resolving tensions and to a peaceful resolution.

That is not the point of this story though.
The point is that one of the kinds of situations that drives me absolutely crazy is when someone does something, that has long been established as something hated by me, that directly effects/affects me despite knowing that I dislike it and/or despite me explicitly asking them not to do so multiple times over the years or months.

This is what I mean when I say my reasons for being angry and rude are real, it's not like I am being rude and angry for no reason, there is a substantial build-up of an abuse of my trust and our established respect for one another.
Essentially here is the problem:
It's an issue of resonance.
Even a small issue, if repeated at the right frequency intensity, will build upon itself even as vibrations can resonate with a bridge and build into a destructive crescendo, crushing the defenses and sensibilities of the person upon which the issue has been inflicted.
(Basically even a small issue, if repeated enough times, despite the careful discussion of its effects upon both parties, can elicit an explosive response from the afflicted towards the inflicter)

However, ^this way of looking at the situation is extremely unhelpful, as it is totally self-centered in the literal meaning of the phrase.
I included it to explain how and why people like myself snap, and why we would respond so rudely, it is only supposed to serve as a way to bridge understanding.
Honestly, this post is supposed to discuss the ways the person who freaks out can change their views and responses to prevent disastrous scenarios, but there could and should be changes on both sides of the spectrum.

The problem is that neither participants are completely objective.
It is about equally as fair to say that the person who freaks out is the "asshole" as it is to say that the person causing the freaking is.
But from the casual observers point of view, only the responder is an asshole, as, like I said prior, the issue tends to be a minor one.
They don't realize that the minor issue isn't the issue, it's the deliberate and continued inconsideration on the behalf of the initiator that the responder is freaking out over.
Once again, the response of the responder isn't justified, isn't proper, and is not the best choice, I do not intend to defend the responder, but rather to encourage an understanding of his thought-process.
(If one even exists during that brief window before he snaps)


Now, we could say that the person who caused the responder to freak out is inconsiderate, or a bit of a butt too, or that the responder is in the wrong for getting so worked up, or we could simply say that both are partly at fault here.
The initiator should realize that they have a history of ignoring the responder's feelings and preferences and should try to be considerate, and the responder should realize that acting batshit crazy, even under the guise of self-righteousness, is absolutely asshole-ish and is not an appropriate way to respond to any situation.

As far as the responder is concerned:
In my experience, the other person rarely does what they do to annoy me on purpose, despite the idea on my side that a little careful thought or consideration would have sufficed to prevent the repetition, and they genuinely do not seem to expect me to respond the way I do.
Perhaps it is a form of hope, people change, and change is good, so maybe they hope I will respond favorably at some point in time.
It doesn't matter either way why or how things come about, what is important is to realize that the issue does not mark a deliberate attempt to torture you and your soul, that once you realize that there is no real cruelty here and that your mind is blowing the situation way out of proportion, that you should respond calmly and thoughtfully.

I guess one could say that thinking, being calm, and being aware of the fact that freaking out is totally unhelpful, yes, even a hindrance, are the best pieces of advice to which one could adhere.

Remember: is there really ever a reason to become an asshole?
So what, you can't stand that the other person has completely ignored things you have established over and over again, so what?
Are you a King? Are you Prince?
Are you so snobby that you can honestly say that such an act is heresy in your eyes?
Honestly, even if someone repeatedly does something you have asked them no to do, even if you have a long established history of responding unfavorably to that act, even so, the only respectable and mature response is to respond in a peaceful and dignified manner.

I mean, why would anyone want to respond in an ugly, undignified, accusatory, defensive, counterproductive manner?
Being an Asshole never solves any issues, and there is really never an excuse to allow yourself to stoop to such a low level of thinking and acting.

In the process of growing up and becoming mature I think a major part is realizing that you have to stop blaming others and the world for issues that you can fix on your own.
In my case, I can stop responding like an Asshole due to my own petty peeves/self-righteousness.
No-one is really doing anything to bother me on purpose, and even if they were, responding the way I have up to now is really immature and unhelpful.
It's unpleasant. Dealing with people who react the way I have been is unpleasant, I need to be more flexible and considerate myself in my reactions and mannerisms.

Okay, so I will make a commitment right here, right now.
I will strive to respond to unfavorable situations in a calm, rational, and respectful manner from now on. I will not lose my head, as they say, upon hearing that something has arisen which conflicts with prior arrangements. I will be more aware of my speech-patterns and will identify when I am switching gears into more disrespectful, destructive speech. I will be more calm and will be more easy-going, less strict with others as far as my their impacts upon my life are concerned.
I will pay attention to my habits and will make conscientious changes as needed

Well, this has been a rather long, probably dreary, post.
It was more helpful for me than for anyone else, I'll bet.
Some probably would read it partly and then give up, having been persuaded that I would never admit my faults and change them, largely due to the tone I used when describing the why and how of my own experiences and responses.
For that I apologize, it is a bit hard to write about and attempt to explain my own experiences without that tone coming across, and since that section was only part of this whole blog-post, and didn't adversely effect the outcome of the post, I saw no reason to remove the passion from it.

So yeah, I guess what we should all take away from here is that self-reflection and improvement are very important on the path to enlightenment and continued growth, and that there is probably always room for improvement in some aspects of your life, and that with each improvement you become a healthier, happier, and more successful and productive person. :)

Well, thanks for reading, and please forgive the expletives @~@

Most sincerely,

~James Dodon

Mia Dua Tago en Esperantlando (Kanado vere)

Mi salutas vin miaj geamikoj! :D
Kiel vi fartas? :P

Mi? Mi estas tre bone, hieraux estis Kanada tago cxi tie, do mi festis kaj iris al la urbo por aspekti artfajrajxojn. (Angle "Fireworks")

Sed cxi tiu artikulo ne estas pri hieraux, la tria tago, sed du tagoj pasitaj, la 30a de Junio.

Tiu tago ni komencis 40 minutoj post la oka horo, kaj ni kunvenis cxe la "Student Union Building", kie ni havis nian enkondukon al NASK.
Ni diskutis helpajxojn kiel la ideo ke oni devas paroli nur Esperanton la plej ebla, kaj ke cxiu havus pli bonan Esperanton se ni ne timas erari.
La vortoj de niaj instruistoj estis tre helpanta, kaj mi tre aprezas iliajn vortojn.

Tiam mi ne komplete komprenis mian nivelon de paroldado, do mi estis atinganta la post-basa kurso, kiu estas la plej basa ke oni povas atingi je NASK cxi-jare. Vere, mi trovis ke mi povis kompreni preskaux tute tion kiun la instruistino estis diranta. Sed, mi decidis aligxi al la mez-nivela kurso preskaux al la fino de la kurstago (kursa tago).

La mez-nivela kurso nur legas kanton skribita de Zamenhoff, kaj faris la kantanto de gxi ankaux.

Pli malfrue, mi atingis prezenton de Istvan Ertl, kiu prezentis pri la revuo BA, beletra almanako, kiun li redaktas kun aliaj redaktistoj.

Vere, mi ne bone komprenas la paroladstilo de Istvan, lia Esperanto estas pli malfacila kompreni ol la aliaj instruistoj kaj Esperantistoj, probable cxar lia denasklingvo estas tre malsama.
Do, mi ne komprenis tute tion kiun li diris, sed mi acxetis 2012 eldono de la BA.
Gxi enhavas multajn eseojn, poemojn, kaj aliajn skribajxojn esperantajn.
Mi probable provos legi gin baldux, kiam mi hejmiros.

Pli poste, mi atingis la prezento de Francisko Lorrain pri 'Kristnaskaj Rakontoj el franca Kanado", libro kiu estas tradukita Esperante kaj kiu enhavas rakontojn de francan kanadon.
Lia auxturo faris duan eldonon, sed Francisko estas laboranta en la tria.
(La auxturo ne jam vivas, sed lia libro jam faras tiel.)

Mi acxetis la duan eldonon de la libro, kaj mi pensas ke mi legos gxin hejme anaux.
Mi uzis multan da mian tempon tiu tago parolanta kun aliaj Esperantistoj, kiu helpis min paroli Esperanton pli kaj pli bone.

Mi tre sxatas ilian helpon, kaj aprezas ilin grande ^u^

Nun, mi devas skribi pli pri la aliaj tagoj ke jam finis, do mi finis cxi tie. :)

Dankon por via legado,
Mi tre sxatas vian legecon, kaj esperas ke vi havos bonan tagon! :D (aux nokton, kiel la tagtempo estas)

Sincere,

~James Dodon

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Location:Victoria Universtity, Canada